


In the Orbit, Out of Phase

by Pancakepants



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Asexualism, Awful space puns, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fontcest, HEAVY self-coercion, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, M/M, NSFW, Papyrus fucks up, Ruined sex right from the beginning!, Sad smut, Sans isn't having a good time whatsoever and it's his own fault, Soul Sex, Soul Touching, They both do really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 07:07:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15455988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pancakepants/pseuds/Pancakepants
Summary: What if Sans isn't into sex, but doesn’t let Papyrus know?





	In the Orbit, Out of Phase

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheDoktorIsBusy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoktorIsBusy/gifts).



> Secret santa gift to the sweetest aussie I know, docanjing! I know it's July shhhh >.>;;
> 
> ~
> 
> Often Sans is described as a horndog. I know it’s a fandom thing, but now I wanted to explore asexualism! I hope I got it even a bit right!

Papyrus laid Sans gently down onto their bed.

He lovingly kissed him, his cheek bones, his neck, deliberately going through every inch of his bones as he moved lower, starting to unzip his hoodie.

As Papyrus smothered Sans’ collarbone with slow kisses, Sans stared at the ceiling. The glowing stars and the moon Papyrus had added there for him didn’t make him smile this time.

After unzipping the hoodie Papyrus slowly, almost deftly, moved one of his hands under Sans’ shirt. While he fondled the top of Sans’ ribcage, he started licking and nibbling Sans’ neck and he also lifted one of Sans’ knees up, starting to grind his fully formed member against Sans’ groin.

Sans turned his head to give Papyrus more space to work. Meanwhile, he continued looking around the room. Pristine, freshly cleaned as per every day. Sans’ books were all in alphabetical order, Papyrus’ action figures were in a neat order. The bed sheets had a pleasant, albeit quite strong floral scent of fabric softener.

Truly, Papyrus was the most attentive lover. There was just right amount of foreplay, not too much nor too little pressure. _he’s so cool._

Anyone would enjoy this kind of attention... Anyone, except Sans, apparently.

None of Papyrus’ efforts were doing anything for him, instead, he was becoming hyperaware of all the noises, and smells, and the pressure of Papyrus’ body, writhing on him.

Sans sighed. Papyrus mirrored this with a small moan, misreading Sans’ discomfort, just the way Sans wanted it to be.

“SANS, YOU TASTE SO GOOD… MAY I TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF?”

Sans focused his eye lights on Papyrus. The very definition of bedroom eyes shone from his face, as he gazed back to Sans, his eyes half-lidded, a gentle blush covering his cheek bones. Sans didn’t feel like smiling, but who couldn’t to that face?

“yeah pap, but imma warn ya... these ribs ain’t _seasoned_.”

Sans smirked, when he saw Papyrus’ eye sockets bulge and the hint of a smile he was trying to hide, while deliberately ignoring his pun. He helped Papyrus take off his shirt, and Papyrus got back to admiring his ribs. Sans never understood, why Papyrus liked his short, stunted bones that much. They didn’t look like anything special, like Papyrus’ own strong bones. He’d drunk his milk alright.

Sans resisted flinching, when Papyrus’ hot tongue started moving on his sternum. He remembered, long time ago when they’d ended up together, being into this stuff. He’d been just as into boning Papyrus and vice versa. Now he was just waiting for it to end even before it had started.

_how did it end up like this?_

He knew how it’d turned out today, at least. He’d come home, tired and pissed from the awful day at work. His new human employer clearly had no sense of humor for pranks, and he’d been told off with a warning. He’d wanted to just eat and go to sleep. Papyrus had noticed his mood right away, fed him dinner and snuggled him on the sofa while they watched some senseless human soap opera. Sans was relaxed and content. Perfect way to finish up the night. Until…

After scooting closer and closer to Sans on the sofa a loud, exaggerated yawn was heard, as Papyrus stretched till his bones popped, and he’d moved his arm around Sans’ shoulders. Sans chuckled at his cute antics and continued watching TV. He however sensed how restless his brother was by the way his hand kept on _inconspicuously_ sliding on his humerus. And by the meaningful stare directed at him, that was always turned elsewhere when he turned to look. And by the way one of Papyrus’ legs kept on bobbing up and down so, that it shook the TV and the whole sofa.

“say, paps… something on your mind?”

“ME, WHY, NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL BROTHER! I WAS JUST THINKING IT WOULD BE NICE TO GO TO BED- TO DO BED RELATED ACTIVITIES LIKE, LIKE SLEEPING I AM _SOO TIRED_ AREN’T YOU TIRED ALSO, SANS?”

“you don’t usually want to go to bed this early, whats- _oh._ ”

Eventually Sans happened to look down, and he noticed the dull orange glow emanating from Papyrus’ pajama pants.

“might the… _bedroom activities_ that you thought about have something to do with the massive boner you’re sporting right now?”  
  
“SANS!!” Papyrus balked away from him with an outraged sneer because of his, _vulgarity,_  but few meaningful glances towards his crotch were enough to deflate his demeanor.

“… YES.”

And so, after Papyrus asked multiple times that he’s completely sure that he’s up for it, and he confirmed it to him patiently, Sans found himself lifted up into the air and in Papyrus’ arms, drowning in a deep kiss and being escorted upstairs. Sans could deal with hugs and kisses. Kissing could be fun sometimes, a nice way to give and receive affection. But anything more than that? Awful lot of work for measly results. Now in Aboveground though, everything was about sex with humans. He was trying to keep up with the times, cracking up a few dirty jokes here and there while feeling empty inside. And Papyrus...

_i love papyrus._

Papyrus made Sans happy, kept him going every day, on the hard days too, when he didn’t see the point. So he wants to keep him happy, too.

_i won’t let him down._

Sans never made the initiative. He didn’t need to, Papyrus gladly took care of it, with his own silly, not-deft--at-all way. And Sans always agreed. Because it’s a small price to pay to keep his brother happy, right?

_… even if i have to lie._

“SANS, IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT? YOU’VE BEEN SILENT FOR A WHILE.”

Sans jolted back from his unwelcome thoughts. Papyrus had apparently proceeded close to his privates, his hand on his waist band. Sans recomposed his grin, setting his hands behind his skull.

“y-yeah, all’s good up here. just waiting with bated breath for you to jump on my bones, heh…”

Papyrus seemed satisfied(as in, frustrated) with his answer. “IF YOU’RE SURE… WE CAN STOP, IF YOU’D LIKE-”

“shhh. bro. can you hear that? i think it’s my pelvis calling for your tlc.”

With a grumble, Papyrus continued with his earlier endeavors and started to remove Sans’ shorts. Sans chuckled, though his mood continued to sink. He knew how this would turn out.

Once the shorts were gone, Papyrus tenderly started to lick Sans’ most sensitive areas. Iliac crests and the wings of the ilium got some long, slightly teasing licks, while he focused fully on his sacrum, circling the holes and applying more pressure on each of them, wrapping his long tongue around the coccyx and giving a gentle tug. Sans gasped softly and jerked his pelvis upwards, towards Papyrus’ mouth. Papyrus chuckled, convinced to have hit a good spot.

In reality, Sans had been trying to think about something else, unable to escape Papyrus’ tongue. It tickled and left a cold, slimy feeling after a lukewarm, lingering touch. The pressure on his sacrum holes felt unpleasant and the unexpected tug felt like Papyrus had been trying to pull a vertebra off, even if the pull wasn’t that strong. Fortunately his jerk had been seen as a good thing.

Unfortunately it encouraged Papyrus to go right for his pubic symphysis.

He relentlessly licked Sans’ most sensitive spot with his tongue, while fondling his coccyx and spine, determined to get his magic to rouse. Sans’ soft moans and squirming made him double his efforts, even if he misunderstood their true meaning. Sans really tried to relax, to give in to the stimulation. _enjoy the moment, goddammit!_ But his useless magic wouldn’t budge. In his increasing anxiety and discomfort, Sans knew he’d have to act soon, or else Papyrus would become suspicious, he’d stop what they were doing and he’d get upset, blaming himself. Which Sans wouldn’t accept, so he did the only logical thing.

Focusing, he called on his magic and forced his genitals to form. The process is sickening when the intent isn’t natural, it shouldn’t even be possible for most monsters, not to mention healthy in the long run. Nevertheless, Sans had gotten lots of practise, forming a plump little pussy. He didn’t get even a moment to feel somewhat satisfied from his accomplishment when Papyrus let out a soft whine- relieved that he had succeeded and because Sans was absolutely beautiful- and resumed licking the freshly summoned, even more sensitive flesh.

Sans could feel his body and magic react to the stimulation more readily. His bones started heating up, he could feel his soul swell and start oozing out his essence. His lower lips got moistened with Papyrus’ saliva and surprisingly, his own juices. Papyrus had always been good at this business, eating him like he was the most delicious dessert. Taking care to spend lots of time with Sans’ sensitive nub, sometimes quickly plunging his tongue deep inside him before resuming with varying length and speed licking. Like an enthusiastic kid with a lollipop. Sans could imagine someone liking this.

_even still, why doesn’t it feel good?!_

It was as if Sans was outside of his body, viewing the occasion from a distance. Not fully welcome to the whole experience. He could feel the bliss his body was feeling, sure. All the biological signals were there, every time Papyrus licked his clit or insides from a good angle, every time he rubbed his sensitive bones with more pressure, even when Papyrus sighed huskily while working, clearly enjoying what he was doing.

All of that pleasure was shrouded by deep discomfort, tension and dread.

The sensations were too much. Everything felt _wrong._ His bones were uncomfortably hot, almost burning. His limbs spasmed uncontrollably in response to Papyrus’ tongue, he couldn’t move, he was trapped. He couldn’t breathe properly, almost gasping for air. Tears of frustration trickled from his eye sockets. _i love papyrus._  Could he just force himself to cum and get this part done with? Guess not. It’s taking too long. Papyrus will get tired, then either tired of him or he’ll feel incompetent, which is even worse. _how can i please him when he enjoys pleasing me the most, which my body rejects?_

Finally, Sans’ self loathing made him act. _time for the easy way out..._

“i- i can’t take it anymore. i want- _ngh,_  you in- inside me.”

With a wet pop, Papyrus pulled his tongue out of Sans, pulling it up his slit, brushing his clit one last time before licking his own teeth, covered in a murky mess of orange and blue fluids. He slowly rose up on Sans, removing his own shirt in the progress. He lowered himself on Sans, supporting his weight with his arms, setting his prominent bulge right onto Sans’ mound. He was panting, emitting raw arousal, he looked so content, happy, sexy-

_oh god, i can’t look at him right now._

“maybe, maybe from behind? please?”

“OH! ALRIGHT!”

After a quick peck on the cheek bone, Papyrus rose again to let Sans turn, which he managed with his shaking limbs. He knew the position Papyrus liked. He laid down, supporting his upper torso up and spread his femurs slightly. One of his favourites too, since he could lazily lay down, like a dead fish. Papyrus didn’t waste any time, having removed his pants during the turn and positioned his more-than-ready members tip right to Sans’ wet entrance.

“READY?”

“y- ye _aaangh-_ ”

Immediately after hearing the first vowel, Papyrus started slowly pushing himself in, stopping only when he reached the bottom. He wasn’t even close to hilting.

_f-fuck, he’s always been huge…_

Sans would rather eat his slippers than tell Papyrus to downsize his man meat. If this was his natural size, he’d go through the pounding every time like a champ, without enlarging his own openings, either. Sure, he’d be sore as hell the next day, but at least he’d managed to make his body, concurrently himself, useful for once.

Luckily, Papyrus was ever the perfect lover. He assumed a similar position on top of Sans, hugging his torso and shoulders, supporting most of his weight on his elbows. His legs were spread on the outer sides of Sans’. This allowed him to move his hips freely, and he started carefully moving, first completely out, then always all the way in. The pace was slow and sweet. Something that Sans could maybe get used to.

The thing was. Even though he was lubricated and fairly relaxed thanks to Papyrus’ efforts, and even when his body felt pleasure, though he was full to the absolute brim even without Papyrus throbbing inside him. Even then, he preferred for it all to be over as soon as possible. If that meant that Papyrus fucked him raw for a couple of minutes instead of slow, sensual and possibly enjoyable love making, he’d choose the quicker option in a soul beat.

He was about to receive what he hoped for. Papyrus never managed to continue till he’d fully hilted, firstly, because Sans was still(always) too stiff for his magic to relax properly, and secondly, because he was starting to lose his control.

“OHH, SANS, SANS YOU FEEL SO, _HAHH_ , I CAN’T- MM _MMHH-_ ”

Papyrus sped up. Sans gnashed his teeth.

Due to their height difference, Papyrus’ could’ve easily reached to kiss Sans simultaneously. But Sans kept his eyes closed and his head down, facing the pillow, so Papyrus was content with kissing his skull and reaching down to nuzzle and nibble his neck and clavicle, when he wasn’t also just hugging Sans close to his own body as fervently as a drowning person held to a life-buoy. He also whispered, or more like wheezed, sweet nothings and unintelligible babbling towards his ear. He was able to show all this affection while simultaneously ramming his dick with accelerating speed and force into Sans’ pussy.

For once, it didn’t hurt even a bit. Sans felt, disconnected, the pleasure his body was experiencing, though he could truly perceive only a sliver of it. Again, he analyzed how, yes, his magic was roused, coursing in his bones, causing him to involuntarily whimper and how his sensitive conjured flesh emanated heat and promise of release. And how in his soul, there was a sickening mix of ecstasy, disgust and self hatred.

His thoughts were amplified with every thrust.

_why do i hate this so much..._

_i love papyrus._

_when is he gonna be done?_

Suddenly, the pounding got faster. _finally! please cum already!_ After a moment, Papyrus slammed his cock in with what felt like finality, actually reaching up to the hilt now. He shivered and let out a broken moan. Sans was about to sigh in relief, _about time_ , when Papyrus grunted and started moving again, with the same, leisurely pace as in the beginning.

“ _HHAH…_ MANAGED TO… STOP… YOU FEEL AMAZING BUT, _MMNH,_  I DIDN’T WANNA FINISH ALONE SO, HERE GOES!...”

_w-what…?_

Papyrus’ pelvis was trembling from the self-restraint he displayed over his libido, as he pulled out completely, followed by a soft _pop_ and pushed in, excruciatingly slowly. Sans could feel how close Papyrus was by the way his dick pulsed inside him. Sans would’ve felt proud for his brother if he wasn’t so bewildered. This wasn’t happening. They were supposed to be done! Revulsion was overpowering his self-deprecation, making him act out of his normal judgement. But before he managed to get a word out of his mouth, a choked wail burst out instead. Papyrus had moved one of his hands under him, placing a phalange on his clit, and was rubbing it gently, in rhythm with his movement.

Sans’ limbs quivered. They hadn’t probably gone at it for that long but it had left like an eternity. It was too intense. It hurt, while it didn’t?! The chance for him to cum was about as high as how turned off he was. He tried to turn to watch at Papyrus.

“pa- _ahh!_ pa _pyrus_ , it’s fine, i know you’re- _mmngh-_ close, i don’t think can cum right now so, you can finish.”

Papyrus stopped moving, confused and breathless. “BUT SANS! I SHOULDN’T JUST, _HAHH_ , LEAVE YOU UNSATED! THAT WOULDN’T BE VERY GREAT OF ME!”

“throw a bone at me, would you? or out of me in this case. heh.“

“ _BROTHER!_ I’M SURE IF I CONTINUE, I CAN-”

“pap. _please_.”

Sans was sure his irritation shone through, but he didn’t care at the moment. He was just so done. Papyrus started pulling out when he halted, deep in thought.

“OH! I GOT IT!”

Papyrus set a hand on top of Sans’ sternum. The hand started glowing.

“hey, what are you-”

When Sans realized what Papyrus was doing, it was already too late. They’d done it before, but never during sex.

Soul touching.

 _no no no he can’t know please_ **_no_** _-_

Sans’ soul answered to the familiar, comfortable magic of his brother readily, materializing easily and passing through his rib cage, right into Papyrus’ hand.

Sans’ consciousness was slammed with Papyrus’ passion. And Papyrus was passionate about _everything._  This Sans was familiar with already, he basically melted every time Papyrus held his soul, as his touch flooded him with love, compassion and encouragement. Now, combined with all that, there was also this… this burning, overflowing desire, all directed to Sans, and Papyrus was fully focused on them feeling amazing together. Sans had never felt anything like it on his own, not even close. He also noticed the lingering emotions of uncertainty, a craving for praise and recognition, and a fresher feeling of triumph, probably due to soul idea. Sans almost forgot about the dreadful situation, basking in the intoxicating emotions, when immediately after he was slapped with Papyrus’ dismay, which turned into horror.

Papyrus was holding the very core of Sans’ being, and he could feel everything he felt. Repulsion. Despair. Spite towards Papyrus. Self hatred, for thinking that way, and towards his own body. Distorted eagerness to please.

It all only lasted for a moment, and Papyrus let go of Sans’ soul with a yelp, as if it burned. The soul returned, while the two skeletons remained silent and frozen. After a while which felt like an eternity, Sans heard a heavy sob. Something wet hit his spine. He tried to turn.

“pap i’m sor- _hlk-_ ”

Sans cringed as Papyrus pulled out of him in a rush, got up and ran out of the room. For a long time, Sans just stared in front of him, until his shivering limbs gave in and he slumped to his side. After hoping for it to be over for such a long time, he felt too empty. He didn’t have it in him to run after Papyrus. What could he possibly say?

His own sobs echoed in the room.

 

~~~

 

Next morning, Papyrus has already gone to work. He most likely slept in the guest bedroom, if he’d slept at all. Sans sure didn’t. He ghosted through the day barely acknowledging anything, escaping to Grillby’s afterwards. There was no point in lying to himself, he didn’t want to go home. When he forced himself to finally go, Papyrus had already shut himself into the guest room.

Sans stared at the guest room door with empty eye sockets. His hand twitched to raise, to knock on the door, to do something. In the end Sans simply sighed, and went into the main bedroom, crashing on the bed, falling into restless sleep, filled with nightmares.

Days passed with the same script. Wake up, work, Grillby’s, sleep. First day, Sans admitted that he appreciated the silence. Cleared his head a bit. Soon enough, the separation became excruciating. Both made sure to not bump into each other. If they did happen to see each other, Papyrus would hurriedly say his HELLOs and BYEs and rush off. Which was extremely unusual for him. Sans had expected Papyrus to come to him sooner. But then again, soul touching with a negative impact left a very strong imprint on a monster, leaving them incapacitated for months, in worst cases. Sans had lied to him, causing them both unnecessary pain and confusion. Papyrus was up and functioning, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t an inner turmoil within his head. Dealing with the effect of Sans’ _shitty_ soul while dealing with his _bullshit_ body. Sans wanted to go to him, to comfort him, to apologise to him, but…

Did he deserve forgiveness? Did he even _want_ it?

Maybe Papyrus would be better off with someone else, someone whose body would function right, who wouldn’t lie to him, who could please him, who would love him the way he deserves-

“SANS?”

Sans started. He was climbing up the stairs, after yet another wasted day. When had the rims of his eye sockets gotten wet? He quickly rubbed his face to his sleeve before turning. When was the last time he’d heard his name from Papyrus’ mouth?

“... yeah, bro?”

Papyrus was in the doorway to the living room, wringing his hands, glancing up at him.

“THERE’S SOME MOVIE ABOUT SPACE AND PLANETS AND SUCH ON THE TELEVISION, DO YOU… DO YOU WANT TO WATCH IT WITH ME?”

Sans blinked a few times. Then, his grin turned into something more authentic for the first time in days.

“sure. i did need a break from this _atmosphere_ …”

Sans didn’t expect to hear the badly covered chortle as Papyrus rapidly turned and headed into the living room, but paid it no mind. It did cause his soul to flutter in his chest. He shook his head slightly. It was obvious what Papyrus was doing, but Sans gladly took the bait.

Sans slumped down heavily on the couch, Papyrus followed, sitting more gracefully to the other end and turned on the TV. Turns out the movie was a rerun that Sans had seen already. Generic Hollywood schtick with faulty science, but he didn’t say anything. Silence fell between the skeletons, again. Even on quiet volume, the TV was obnoxiously loud and trashed painfully in Sans’ skull.

They sat and pretended to be interested in the movie. One could've almost touched the tension in the air. Sans almost preferred the separation from earlier. Every time he tried to say something, his words dried in his throat.

_i love papyrus._

_but... i don’t desire him. not in that way._

_and he must hate me for it. he_ **_should._ **

Cold sweat had been collecting on Sans’ bones, on his skull, under his clothes. His soul felt like it was clutched by an invisible hand that wanted to slowly squeeze the life out of him. Would Papyrus want them to break up? Sans wouldn’t be surprised. He was garbage, utter disgrace, even outside of relationship issues. He’d managed to raise Papyrus until he realized that Papyrus was taking care of him instead, too soon, too young. He got scolded by him all the time because he thought it was funny, leaving all the housework to him because he kept on saying ‘in a moment, bro’. He was lazy, carefree, messy, _unproductive, worthless,_ **_pain in the ass!_ **

The loud music of the end credits stirred Sans from his somber thoughts. Had he really been out of it for that long…? He was gripping on the armrest so tight that it hurt. His cheeks were wet. He wiped his face, once again, before glancing at Papyrus. To his horror, he was looking back at him, worry drawing deep lines on his face. Sans’ attempt at a laid-back grin was mostly ruined by a sniff.

“oh uh, i didn’t pay much attention to the movie, guess i was _spacing out_ , heh…”

Papyrus’ face remained unchanged. Sans dropped his sad try of a smile and sighed, sinking deeper into the sofa. _what’s the point._  Minutes passed and Sans could hear the clattering of Papyrus’ phalanges, as he rubbed his hands together nervously. Finally, Papyrus breathed in, deep.

“SANS, I-”

The end credits ended and a loud fast food commercial started. Papyrus flinched, grabbed the remote, almost dropping it twice in the process( _NYEH!!_ ), before managing to turn the TV off. He then turned towards Sans, huffing with determination, causing Sans to also straighten his spine.

“SANS, I WENT TO VISIT UNDYNE THE OTHER DAY!”

Uh. That was an unexpected way to break the radio silence.

“... yeah, for your training?”

“WELL AFTER THE…” Papyrus glanced to the side, “THE INCIDENT, I NEEDED SOME TIME FOR MYSELF, TO THINK, AND I WASN’T QUITE SURE HOW TO… WELL OR, WHAT TO SAY TO YOU. THERE WERE SO MANY QUESTIONS.”

“UNFORTUNATELY WHEN I WENT FOR OUR SCHEDULED TRAINING, UNDYNE NOTICED THAT I WASN’T FEELING MY BEST. AND YOU KNOW HER, I CAN’T KEEP THE TRUTH FROM HER BECAUSE OTHERWISE I FIND MYSELF THROWN THROUGH A WALL OR TWO. SO I GAVE HER SOME DISCLOSURE.”

Ohh no no no _no_. This was **_not_ ** happening. Sans was straight as a pole now and his eye lights had snuffed out. Sure, their relationship was known of in the inner circle of friends and was approved of, but Undyne or anyone else didn’t need to hear about their sex life! Sans wouldn’t have been able to withstand the knowing glances.

“you- did you-”

“DON’T WORRY, I DIDN’T GIVE ANY DETAILS!! ALSO, SHE BEGGED ME NOT TO, AFTER HEARING WHAT IT WAS ABOUT. SHE ALSO ASKED WOULD I LIKE HER TO BEAT YOU UP FOR UPSETTING ME, WHICH I OBVIOUSLY DECLINED! BUT...”

Papyrus’ earlier fervor was dwindling, and his voice got quieter.

“SHE DID GIVE ME SOME PEACE OF MIND, I SUPPOSE. TOLD ME TO TAKE MY TIME AND THEN, ‘CHASE YOU INTO A CORNER AND INTERROGATE YOU’, BUT I WAS SURE THERE WAS NO NEED FOR ANYTHING THAT RASH. SHE,” His voice cracked. “SHE SCOLDED ME ALREADY, BECAUSE OF, BECAUSE OF THE S-SOUL TOUCH. IT HAD BEEN… NONCONSENSUAL.“

Sans’ mouth was shaped to voice his denial, but he hesitated. He hadn’t even considered that. Yes, he hadn’t agreed to the soul touching. But he knew that it’d happened in the spur of the moment and he would’ve trusted his soul to Papyrus any time… except that specific one.

“paps…” Was all he managed to say, before Papyrus scooted closer to him and reached to him, to hold his shoulder maybe, but his hand fell down. He took a shaky breath, and there were tear droplets on his eye sockets, ready to fall.

“I-I SHOULD’VE COME TO YOU EARLIER! I’M SORRY FOR TOUCHING YOUR SOUL WITHOUT PERMISSION! THAT WAS AWFUL OF ME. DES… _DESPICABLE!_ BUT YOU WERE ALSO INCREDIBLY UPSET FOR SOME OTHER REASON! IF I’VE RATTLED YOU IN ANY, ANY OTHER WAY, PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME W-WHAT’S WRONG AND WE’LL FIX IT, TOGETHER!”

Sans could only shake his head firmly since he couldn’t get a word in. Papyrus’ voice and tone rose gradually to frantic levels. Sans finally reached and grabbed both of Papyrus’ flailing hands, successfully catching his attention.

“it’s not your fault, none of this is, don’t say that! i’m the one who should be saying sorry. and, the fault is purely in me, it’s my- it’s not something you can just fix.”

“WHY NOT?”

Sans sighed and looked to the floor helplessly. There was no way to explain without upsetting him, was there? He let go of his brother’s hands and motioned weakly to his torso.

“i... i can’t help it, i, i’ve tried to like sex. i think i did, few times at least, a long time ago when we started dating,‘cause i finally got to properly be close to you and it was wonderful, but when we settled down and everything turned out just fine, then… i’ve never really needed it, nor dreamed about it, but i’ve always wanted to be close to you, to… to make you happy.”

“BUT YOU… YOU WERE JUST SO SAD, SO…“ Papyrus’ face scrunched up, and he seemed to have just as much difficulty figuring out what to do with his hands. They were shaking now, from the memory of what he’d felt from Sans’ soul. “ _REVOLTED,_ WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU DIDN’T WANT IT? I CLEARLY HURT YOU!”

“it’s not fair that you have to put up with my, my _defect_ so i don’t want you to worry about me, i’m fine and i can take it-”

Abruptly, Papyrus stood up. Sans couldn’t remember had he ever heard Papyrus so distraught.

“ _IT’S NOT FAIR FOR YOU TO SUFFER BECAUSE OF WHAT I WANT!_ ”

They stared at each other for a brief moment, both startled, before Papyrus continued. The falling tears and the breaking of his voice hurt Sans’ soul more than his sudden outburst.

“THAT’S NOT… It’s not…”

Papyrus slumped back down on the sofa, buried his face in his hands. A stifled sob got out.

“Do… Do I really disgust you that much?”

Sans, not caring about his own tears falling, was quick to wrap his hands around Papyrus. He didn’t hug Sans back, keeping his hands on his face, but he did lean against Sans and cried while Sans rubbed his back and shoulder. Papyrus’ normal crying had the decibel levels of any other person bawling, which only worsened Sans’ guilt. _if only i wasn’t like this._ He let Papyrus calm down, while softly murmuring reassurances.

“no. _never_. you’re wonderful and this has nothing to do with you, you’ve done nothing wrong, it’s, it’s…”

Sans closed his eyes for a moment, turning the words around in his head, before he turned to properly watch at Papyrus while touching his hands.

“pap. pap please, look at me?” Papyrus shook his head. “c’mon bro, don’t hide away, i’ll be... _bonely_.”

Papyrus sniffled with a stifled guffaw. After a moment, Papyrus slowly raised his head. His face and teeth were covered with tears and snot. Sans kissed his hands affectionately.

“never, never ever think that, paps. i love you so damn much, so much it _hurts_. you’re my whole universe and i literally don’t know what i’d do if i lost you.”

“REALLY?”

Sans smiled, a sad, but real, smile.

“make no bones about it.”

They look at each other, Papyrus now offering a quivering smile, too. Sans reached out to kiss him, but Papyrus put a hand on his chest.

“N-NO, MY FACE IS COVERED IN… EUGH. I'LL FETCH US TOWELS.”

Sans chuckled while Papyrus got up to get some paper towels. Sans had already rubbed his own face on his hoodie sleeve but accepted the towel anyways. He kept on sitting still while waiting for Papyrus to finish sneezing. The courage to attempt kissing him from earlier was gone. The truth about his condition was out there, but the tension within his soul hadn’t disappeared anywhere. _what now?_

After some tedious scrubbing, Papyrus sat down. He stayed still, and Sans glanced at him. He was looking back at Sans, waiting patiently. The days of awkwardness was gone from him, but clearly Sans wasn’t off the hook yet. So, Sans leaned his elbows on his knees and stared at his phalanges. He was so numb, so tired.

Sans took his time, starting from the beginning. He’d only noticed that he wasn’t interested in sex when they started dating. He was never really interested in anyone else before, romantically nor sexually. Papyrus was the only one he’d been comfortable with to form such a deep connection. But when it came to pleasing the other in the relationship, while Papyrus was fully captivated with sex, Sans found it less and less appealing with time. He admitted that soon enough he’d created a vicious circle of lying to himself and Papyrus about his own needs and increasing loathing of intercourse. He liked cuddles and kisses, he felt the love and compassion between them, but he wasn’t capable of going past second base while truly feeling content in his soul. Papyrus listened keenly, and waited till Sans paused.

“SO, YOU JUST DON’T WANT SEX?”

“it’s not that simple, i might sometimes feel like it when the uh, the timing is right but, but yeah, it… it pretty much boils down to that, i guess.”

Sans hands were covered in sweat now, he’d run out of things to say. There was nothing else to explain, and he was torn wide open. On one hand, he felt proud to have opened up. His soul felt a bit lighter. On the other hand...

“... I UNDERSTAND.”

A dreadful sense of finality stiffened Sans’ bones. He didn’t dare look at Papyrus. He understood _what?_

“WE CAN’T CONTINUE LIKE THIS, SURELY.”

Panic built up within Sans, locking up his joints while inside his soul a cold, breath stealing terror wanted to burst out, to make him argue, plead, scream, run. Something, anything so that Papyrus wouldn't leave him. Of course he wouldn't, he loved Sans! Right?! But…

Sans forced himself to breath in deeply. It wasn't for him to decide, what Papyrus would do. If they had changed roles, he would most likely walk away and find someone better, someone less faulty.

_i don't deserve him, anyways._

“i- i fully understand if you don’t want continue being with me like this-”

“WHAT? NO, NO. THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT… Look at me, please.”

Sans reluctantly turned, just in time to see Papyrus close his eye sockets and set his hand on his rib cage. On… on his…

“p-papyrus what are you doing-”

He almost fell off the couch, as Papyrus almost nonchalantly pulled his soul out. Its bright, pulsating orange light outshone anything else in the room. Sans could feel the pure warmth emanating from it, as if he was standing outside in mid summer scorching sun. His own soul automatically reacted to its exposed presence, yearning for it, for the comfort and love he’d experienced from it before.

“Take it, Sans. Please.”

“i…”

Sans wanted to object. Doubts riddled his mind. _is he trying to prove something with this? there's no need to do just just because he'd_ … But his words died in his mouth. He could sense the absolute trust practically pouring out of Papyrus’ soul, flooding his mind with a calm feeling, a feeling of a promise akin to _everything will be alright._

He couldn't deny the offer. Offering one's soul, one's life essence, to someone else is the most beautiful sign of trust a monster can do, thus denying the offer is unimaginable, the mere thought perverse.

“... alright, pap.”

He carefully accepted the soul onto his opened palms and almost fell off the sofa again. He couldn't help his surprised shout, as Papyrus’ magic flooded all his senses, drowning him in an endless stream of thoughts and concentrated acceptance, affection, love, love, _love!_

He was accepted the way he is, with his flaws, with strengths that Papyrus saw in him. Both remorse and forgiveness over what had happened, what had been hidden and revealed came through, and the overpowering determination of them working everything out together on his terms slammed all Sans’ doubts to the ground. Similar emotions echoed endlessly from one soul to the other.

_I LOVE YOU!_

_i love you!_

Sans would've fallen if Papyrus hadn't grabbed him into his arms, but he wouldn't let go of the soul. Neither of them could see nor talk as they cried again, but there was no need. Their connection was stronger than ever.

 

Papyrus held him through the night. 

**Author's Note:**

> Lesson of the day talk to yer fukken partner you gumball


End file.
